time to stop

"take a seat young lady,"
i think i will, she thought.
"excuse me, waiter. I'll take a another gin and tonic and the lady here will have a..."
"a whiskey, on the rocks, please."
she couldn't stand it when men spoke to their waitress like they were at the bottom of the food chain.
she knew about that girls struggle,
her best days have been with a tray of cocktails held up by her left
and her heart held in by her right.
"where are you from," he asked, genuinely interested.
she seemed interesting.
she laughed lightly, "where aren't I from."
she thought quickly, like a slide show, of all the places she had dragged herself.
she lit her parliment light, "I'm from the city."
"which one," he asked.
"does it really matter," she asked sarcasticly.
"i guess not.."
she exhaled, finished off her whiskey and winked at him as she pushed her chair in.
she walked out and left the man in the exact same spot she found him; confused.

thank you boys

thank you boys.
you seem to take us, wrap us and wind us around your mind.

sunshine

when the sun shines through the crisp winter air i remember why i decided to move here.

she's a man eater

you fix a bird,
you buy a cage.
you fix a man,
he flies away.
love is like liquor,
it burns when it moves through you.

light

he lit her hair on fire because it held too many memories in the strands.

cheap skate

roller blade in circles around your mind.

play

play card games with her mind.

rain shines

she runs and hides when the sun comes out to play.
she likes the rain,
it reminds her how much she misses him.
in her eyes its the worlds way of sympathizing with her.
the sun is the world smiling and she cant seem to find a smile within her broken heart.

girls and boys

he said, "where your shorts and short as you can."
she thought slow down though you crazy child. youre so ambitious for a juvenile.
he said, "hike up your skirts and pull down that tank top."
she said, "wheres the fire, whats the hurry about." she knew she could see when she was wrong but couldn't always see when she was right.
she knew only fools were satisfied.
she lifted off her shirt and undid her neckalace. she climbed onto the bed and let him unbutton her shorts. he said its alright, "you can afford to loose a day or two."
she said "thanks mr joel"

drink.

shes sharing a drink they call loneliness but its better than drinking along.

right now

its been a long time since ive felt this.
i remember this and your touch.
i remember the clock breaking and
the books being dusty.
he said "you knew you were fragile,
and i remembered it."
our story is all written on a
napkin and
i have it scotched taped together
in paragraphss.
you practiced falling in love.
and he said
youre lonely appetite has me remebering
your touch.
but soon youll be off,
and honesetly darling,
this love is contagious and
ill miss you more than ever this time,
its like when the tides rise.
i dont suppose you would remeber this moment,
youre eyes fell short
and i passed the time here naked in bed.
youre love is sleeping tonight and
ill see you tomorrow with a fist full
of youre love.
im never empty handed around you.

tonight.

tonight i miss you.
and its consumed my mind.

she knew this.

he assured her, its all or nothing,
she wasnt overly concered.
she knew she was leaving.
the town had shaped her well
and bruised her good.
she knew he had wrapped it all up
in pretty package of lies,
but she wasnt worried.
the status of her emotion
was proof it wasnt love.
and she knew it.
she said i guess im gonna have to live with out
this shade of gray.
its something i can leave behind.
this part of my life
is something i can leave behind.
she said, i cant stop shaking,
and he said, i cant stop touching you.

look at what god did.

when he saw her he put his hand on her hip and said
"god damnit look at what god did."
she knew a little time would let it breathe
but every time she got more of him,
she'd see her heart move.
with heaven in her hands
she went back in time to put it all back in the sky.
they made love for the last time under the dull light.
he told her dont cry,
this hell is our paradise.

case

so i was thinking, i could drink a case of you and still be on my feet.

a glittering disguise

i cant help but love the man without a conscience.
his light is gray and his heart fell through his feet
a long time ago.
his eyes were full of gloom,
as if he'd seen the evil in this world.
he looked at me with a half frozen smile
and told me that the devil was a good liar.
i inhaled deep breaths- desperate to pump the life back into myself.
he had drawn me in with a glittering disguise
but i couldnt help but think he was my hell.

i dont like you.

i dont like you in the morning
but i love you when it rains.
i dont like in the day
but i love you under the moon.

a pistol loaded with dull stars

and im hungry, but i like the way that feels
because it makes me miss you less.
my hands are cold,
making it impossible to grab a hold
of this situation.
its cemented this way.
but im happy for you-
we both know im far from selfish,
but im scared for her.
she needs a warning signal,
a caution note,
a disclaimer;
something so the poor thing
knows where shes headed.
or we can let fate find her
two years down the road,
broken with battle scars and
a pistol loaded with dull stars.

this young love

its been a long time since ive head my head in these skies.
its been a long day when ive been up all night in my head.
im not sure what you did to me,
but somewhere along the way
you pocketed my heart and reeled in my mind.
im consumed by the idea of you
and infatuated with the thought of you.
i admire you for grabbing ahold.
[[i dont remember the last time i felt
like this. ]]
it feels like when i was 14 and thought
seven minutes in heaven felt
like real passion.
oh it was real- im not down playing
those closets filled with gap sweatshirts
and cargo pants.
this young love is ripping at the seams with passion.

he said

he said here comes that curly headed sickness, shes just a problem in a mini skirt.

get to me

she looked for him everywhere last night.

she said, "take a roller coaster that comes in sideways to get to me.

youre sinking

dancing like its night time in this city.
but i seem to know the ghosts of this town.
funny how my shadow never leaves.
but wherever you were hiding, you beat the odds.
and id like to tell you that youre dying.
youre moving slow and you passion sank to
the bottom of the battle ship.
he said, "baby, youre the only light i ever saw."
i said, "you made the most of all this sadness
and now youre sinking."

thank you.

a special thank you,
to all of you.
to the night for the damp air and bright city lights.
to the men for their touch after midnight.
to the cvs on 17th st for always being open when i need anything and everything.
to my neighbors for their dying grass.
another thank you to you.
for giving me that smile.
and a thank you to yesterday-
for allowing me to make it to today.
to my tea for opening my eyes,
and to my toast for bringing me back to life.
thank you to that cd for explaining to my mind how my heart feels.
to the dollar store, for being fucking awesome.
to my boots for never letting my heels
get wet in this early october rain.
thank you to that $1.25 super glue for glueing my heart back together.

like this.

sitting in an old wooden chair and watching humanity starve.
theyre filling up on pastries and french onion soup while i sit here
hungry only for your touch.
the aroma from my peach tea is the light in this situation.
i dont know when it got like this,
but that night stole my mind.
its playing like a shaky, dusty reel- over and over again in my mind.
ive never been like this.
or atleast i dont ever remember this.
its always been me against me.
i gave in, gave up and let go.

pathetic.

right now i am a pathetic attempt at being a human.
i dont what it is,
but i ruin it all.
i see the love and beauty in all of you,
but want more than nothing to do with it.
i let you fall,
i tell you i feel it.
and then i run.
i run as fast as i can because
i cant stand to watch you hurt.
i search for the love,
and then i fucking run with it.
i hold a piece of all of your hearts.
but i gladly gave him all of mine
that night.
it feels like fucking sour lemonade in this wound.

battle scared

take it back to the battle scars

faded

you make me high.

and i stay high.

in the rain.

she said she wanted to be rain that tasted like wine.
a deliberate tactic to get him drunk off her love.
the clouds were as scattered as her life
when she was searching for him.
the rain fell sideways,
hitting her heart indirectly.
those were the days she missed him the most.

time to go.

ive been up all night, i might sleep all day.
he said, you get your dreams just right
and then let them slip away.
she said, when the road gets clear, ill head on out of here.
so she closed to blinds and poured a glass of whiskey
while she ate strawberries and
fantasized about her make believe smile.

all night

he said where a little dress so i can get it off real easy
she said its to late to get high now.

dead flowers.

it was painfully perfect.
i let my heart lay on youre bedside table
while you kissed me.
your words were like familiar music
but your touch was new.
passion bounced off that cheap lampshade
and onto our whiskey drunk hearts.
he said, youre dangerous."
i said, "you have no idea."
he once told me "he'd eat my soul."
little does he know i left
"my heart hanging from a string on his necklace."
I knew this would all end up bleeding.
but this is nothing shy of my story.
i find love that is wonderful at causing pain.
i know this, im really good at it.
ive been doing it like a job since i was
16 and lost my virginity in geoffs schuelers basement.
the pain is worth it at some point.
i drink, smoke, eat, and snort passion.
that touch- no matter how little or how long-
is the best high.
now its a constant withdrawl.
back to that night---
youre hands were full of me
and the room was lit up by the cities light,
casting a perfect shadow on your tattooed chest.
the bed smelled like old love and dead flowers.
i stripped down to my soul for you
and you called me and angel.
i could feel the heat
of your breath on my neck bone
when you whispered in my ear.
your hand found home behind my head
and my head found home on your chest.
ive found myself infatuated with
something completely outside
the realm of reality-
im not the slightest bit suprised.

ps id like to thank the city lights for the night light.

an old high

i emptied drawers of other winters, where my innocence use to be.
i found my broken heart,
my virginity,
and my first high.
i put em all in a shoe box and
shoved em under my bed.

last night.

and in the evenings in this city,
when the colors start to fade,
she puts on that black dress with her black hair to match.
he said, youre better than the world.
she looked over her shoulder exhausted
and said im tired of feeling nothing, goodbye.
he said find your faith and dry your eyes,
youve been waiting on a long time to fall apart.
she fell down to her knees.

this is my today.

i realized if i dont make this change now-then i never will
she said those thrills arent the same.
yes, yes they are.
my stuffed animal told me so.

my day.

my days are filled with the same things, simply in different orders. today i had whole wheat waffles for breakfast and soy veggie sausage for breakfast. i listened to paul simon while i watered and worked in my garden. i fed my cat her lunch and had a bowl of organic greek yogurt with hemp granola and strawberries for myself. just before this i sipped my green tea while i did some yoga stretches to release a better blood flow. now ill go for a bike ride around a few blocks while i let the costa mesa breeze blow around my hair and say thanks for it all. sincerely, jenavieve

dirty girl

hardly

you roll out of bed
down on your knees
and for a moment
you can hardly breathe.
you hold one glass
and never take a sip
and for a moment
you can hardly breathe

at night.

its not a silly little moment,
its not the storm before the calm,
this is the love weve been working on.
nobodys gonna come to save you.
we pulled to many false alarms.
were goin down.
and i know you can see it too.

nevermind.

all the street lights say nevermind.
all the road signs say
we
see
this
all
the
time.

steer clear

im gonna steer clear cause id die if i saw you, im gonna steer clear cause ill die if i dont see you.

dead.

i cant believe its dead. i guess it got fed up with not getting fed. i thought it was sleeping, but i guess its dead.
he said home is wherever we are if theres love between us two.

detriot

she said, "id be leaving this town for good, id be looking for better... but i got this old habit i keep glueing back together."

drown

i tried to drown the sorrow but i guess they learned how to swim.

its not in our hands.

i listened to that song on repeat probably 7 times just now. each time i felt the way i did when i listened to it with you. parked outside my house, in your car at 2am. listening to you, drunk, telling me how much i mean to you and how you will never let me go. things fall apart so other things can fall together and every one little thing happens for a bigger something else. its all relative and all takes us to the corner of destiny and fate. its not our hands.

no headphones.

today i sat in a coffee shop called alta and read my book while i drank my chai lattee with skim milk. in the midst of chapter 6 i stopped for a moment to appreciate how happy i was. how happy i am, how good life is and how a long time ago i made a personal choice to embrace every moment. i can feel my soul smiling.

mirror mirror on the wall.

broken glass and tattered middle class.

the everything bad catcher.

this morning i layed in bed for almost 40 minutes before i got up. i layed and looked at the dream catcher hanging from the far window. i wondered what it had caught last night and wished it could protect me during the day from broken hearts and lies.

i decided.

i decided i could never be mad. because you did in that moment exactly what would make you happy. the purpose of life is to do what makes you happy, you simply chose to do the right thing.
i decided negative energy is a waste of time.
i decided making decisions based on what happend is dumb.
i decided to not live by thinking im going to get hurt.
i decided to do what makes me happy in every moment.

happy go lucky

if you dont smile, youre not living.

bar corners.

the bass bumped the whiskey through our bloods last night.

this picture writes the words better than i ever could.

"I still have your sweatshirt," he said.
"I was wondering what happened to that, do you have anything else cool of mine?" she asked
"You're heart," he replied.
He laughed softly and looked over his shoulder at her as he took a right onto the boulevard. They sat in silence for a mere 30 seconds until he reached over the center council to grab her hand. her chin touched her shoulder as she glanced to the left towards him and smiled the smile he knew.